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Etch-a-Sketch Tech Support Troubleshooting Guidelines:

Q: My Etch-a-Sketch has a distorted display.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-a-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-a-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for UNDO?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a new document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I EXIT?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-a-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-a-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-a-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it!

Q: Is Etch-a-Sketch Y2K compatable?
A: Yes! (As long as you don't shake it at midnight on Dec 31st, 1999)

 

Preposed Windows 2000 commands

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
4. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
5. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
6. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
7. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
8. Bad or missing mouse. go kick the cat. (Y/N)
9. Runtime Error 6D at 417A-32CF: Incompetent User.
10. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
11. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use PENCIL_PAPER.SYS
12. User Error: Replace user.
13. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
14. Hard drive scanned and pirated titles have been deleted. Police are on the way. **

 

Help Desk Stories:

- A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

- Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Customer: "Hi...my coffee cup holder isn't coming out any more."
Tech Support: "Your what...?"
Customer: "My coffee cup holder..the thing with the 24X on it"
Tech Support: "Ummm..that's your CD-Rom device..."

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Umm...uh...uh...yeah."

Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
Sales: "ummm"

Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "Will it be compatible with my computer?"

Help Desk received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

 

MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMPUTING!

~ For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

~ To err is human... to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.

~ He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

~ If at first you don't succeed, blame your computer.

~ A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

~ The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

~ A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

~ When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

~ When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

~ The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

~ When the going gets tough, upgrade.

~ When you need to send an email quick, that's when the modem won't connect!

 

Computer Viruses

Watch Out For These New Strains of Viruses.

The following new computer viruses have been detected in or around the country. Please be alert for them when you scan your computers.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS:
This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS:
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

FREUDIAN VIRUS:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

ELVIS VIRUS:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

NIKE VIRUS:
Just does it.

SEARS VIRUS:
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:
Your programs can never be found again.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS:
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

STAR TREK VIRUS:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

 

Website concept and design by Alan Gaglio